Reward: $$Your Dignity

As I try to come to terms with recent losses due to a security breach at my home I find myself diligently scouring Craigslist, hopping back and forth between the Bike Classifieds and Lost and Found. In doing so it makes sense to check out the posts that others have left in regards to their losses, I figure that as I am out about my daily activities it takes little extra effort to keep my eyes peeled for other's possessions that have been lost or snatched out from under them.

Unfortunately, I have found that most of these posts rub me the wrong way- people offering rewards and asking for a return with "No questions asked." This begs me to ask a question, What the hell have we become? You are begging a thief to return what is rightfully yours and you are willing to pay them for it? This is desperation at it's worst. Or is it greed? One thing's for certain, while I will do everything in my power in an attempt to recover my wife's pink cruiser and my burley trailer, the last thing I'm willing to do is advertise to pay someone money to be a decent citizen and do their civic duty. As far as the no questions asked portion goes; you can bet your ass that if you show up at my house with my bike or trailer, amidst all the jubilation I will most definitely ask you where you found them. And don't assume for one minute that if I see some tweaker cruising the ave on my wife's bike, I'm going to politely walk up to him and say, "Excuse me, Sir? I'm sorry to be a bother but I do believe that bike belongs to me. It is none of my business where you acquired it from but if you don't mind I'd like to have it back now."

These items belong to us. We have paid for them with our own hard earned money and not only are we entitled to have them rightfully returned but we also deserve to know how they found their way back home, in the rare instance they should. I'm not saying that I'm not more than willing to show my appreciation for someone who helps me out and returns to me what is rightfully mine. I am saying that I will never compromise my humanity by offering you money to return what has been taken from me. In the legal system I believe that such a "reward" is referred to as ransom.

So here's my promise to you, good citizen's of the world, if you can return my wife's bicycle and/or trailer, you will be rewarded but not by me, by yourself, knowing that you've helped your neighbor. I will expect nothing less should I do you such a service. This reward is one that you will always carry with you and cannot lose and that my friend is priceless.

Burglarized

Congratulations. Broad daylight, you stroll into a suburban garage and take the most convenient, handsome bicycle of the bunch and a trailer to match. You either have guts, are extremely stupid or you're one bad son of a bitch. With a Rottweiler in the backyard and a Bulldog in the house only separated from you by wood and sheetrock. You're premeditation must have been a short one. Sorry about your belt, I tried to hang on to it for you in the event you returned but the police officer insisted on keeping it, apparently they like evidence especially when they are dealing with a felony such a Burglary 1. But who are they kidding here? You know as well as I do that even if you do have a criminal record, you're punishment from the police will be minimal at best on the rare occurrence that you are caught. Once you discovered that your belt was missing I hope that you found comfort in learning that the trailer has a pressure attachment for mounting to the bike frame and therefore a belt to attach the trailer was not necessary after all.

I would like to thank you for not touching my son's bike as my wife has another bike, the Cruiser was only a bike of leisure for her. For stealing a child's bicycle would be, well honestly I would categorize such an act as just slightly less tasteless than stealing a mother's bike on Mother's Day. Oh, I know that you had no idea that the bike belonged to a mother and may have even been too high to remember that it was Mother's Day but these things considered I'm sure that any human being in this day and age may have reassessed such an act.

It should also be known that with your new bike you are eligible to receive a free tune up from REI. Just bring the bike into the store and they'd be happy to service it for you and send you on your way. My apologies in regards to the tear in the vinyl of your new Burley flatbed trailer, that was a condition that existed when I purchased the trailer two weeks ago. Had you waited a few days, you may have a more sound trailer as I was planning to patch that tear this week. I'd still be more than happy to patch it if you'd like to bring the trailer by at your convenience. In addition if at any time you are not completely satisfied with your new bicycle and trailer, please return it for a full refund, this guarantee extends to anyone who may take possession of these items for the life of both the bicycle and the trailer.

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STOLEN BICYCLE
& TRAILER

WOMEN’S IRON HORSE PT CRUISER STOLEN FROM MT. VERNON AREA ON 5/11/08 (MOTHER’S DAY)
STOLEN WITH A BLACK BURLEY FLATBED TRAILER WITH APPROX. 3” TEAR IN VINYL ON THE FRONT OF THE FRAME. PLEASE
CALL (541) 736-3758 Or Springfield Police at 726-3714

Honorable Mention...

I just decided to drop by and visit the Collin's Cycle Shop Blog tonight to see which of my fellow essay contest entrants won the fixie and you can imagine my surprise when I, well, read for yourself (Thanks again to those of you who voted for me)- http://collinscycleshop.wordpress.com/2008/04/29/we-have-a-winner/